"If bullshit was music, that fellow would be a brass band."
"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven’t seen the joke yet."
"All are lunatics, but he who can analyse his delusions is called a philosopher"
"Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff."
"You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."
"I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out."
"Sarah Brightman couldn’t act scared on the New York subway at 4 o’clock in the morning."
"The most hazardous part of our expedition to Africa was crossing Piccadilly Circus."
"No man is an island, but some of us are pretty long peninsulas."
"Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent."