Starting over after a divorce

Posted on Feb 13 2017 - 2:14pm by GJ Staff

Even in the happiest marriages people sometimes find themselves on the verge of divorce. There are all kinds of different reasons for it, and every couple has a long story to tell. Nevertheless, divorce is always hard to cope with for both sides, regardless of who was the initiator. It takes a lot of courage and time to figure out how to get your life back to normal.

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Keep reading if you want to learn how to survive a divorce and move on with your life.

  1. Avoid making hasty decisions. Wait until your emotions come down a little. If you do something in hearts, you may regret it later. One impulsive decision can easily have negative consequences that will be difficult, if not impossible, to fix afterward.
  2. Do something that makes you happy. Be free to do anything you want, even if you know it’s a sheer waste of time or money. Your occupation doesn’t always have to be super responsible and bring some use to the society.
  3. Don’t rush into new relationships. You still have to understand who you are and what you want from a new partner. Figure out your mistakes and let go of the pain before you get involved with someone else.
  4. Save your kids from yourself (if you have them). Many divorces involve children as a third party. If you concentrate all your time and efforts on them, they would feel trapped. Besides, they also are experiencing a hard time, maybe even blaming themselves for what happened. Try not to press on them with what you think their life should be from now on. As much as you want to see your kids happy, think of what they really need right now – for instance, time and space to cope with this new situation.
  5. Search for support from your relatives and friends. As a rule, your closest people are always there to help you and listen to your concerns. Share your feelings with someone you can trust and who will support you in difficult times.
  6. Think of seeing a therapist. Sometimes there are things you don’t want to discuss with your friends. Schedule a few sessions with a therapist – once or twice would be enough. And there’s nothing to be ashamed of – it’s a common practice. A conversation with a professional could be of great usefulness.
  7. Be productive. Now you have some spare time and energy that need to be channeled in the right direction. Clean whatever needs to be cleaned, or repair something in the house that you were constantly putting off.
  8. Get rid of everything you no longer need. Some of the stuff you might want to give to your ex, and throw away the other. If it is painful to look at the photos where you are together, or any other things that remind you of your failed marriage, don’t hesitate and also get rid of them. Most certainly, you’ll feel relieved after that.
  9. Give yourself a break. Take a time off from your responsibilities at least for a few days. You deserve to have some time only for yourself. Get your thoughts together and maybe come up with a plan of your future actions. Think of how you want your life to look like. It is totally in your hands to invent “the new you” and to start over again.
  10. Limit the contacts with your ex-spouse. Stay away from your ex as much as possible for the first couple of months. You need to learn to leave on your own. And awkward conversations are not what you’re looking for right now – they will only bring back memories of your marriage and make an illusion that everything stays the same.
  11. Be opened to find new love. Believe that you can be happy again. Just make sure you are finally free from the past regrets and pain. And from now on keep your heart opened for new relationships. Life is not over just because you failed once. There is a right person for you out there. All you need is to accept the fact that everything is changing because it has to.

Think of this divorce as a great opportunity to start fresh. Stay positive about your new life and let all the best things in the world finally happen to you.

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